Whose been in love? Hands down. I’m sure most of you have at least once. I’ve been in love multiple times. Most of those times loving caused me some serious hurt. Hurt that takes months and even years to fully heal.
I now have a better understanding of what dating should look like. It’s definitely not going out with multiple guys until you feel “loved” by one of them!
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why does love hurt?” I have! Especially after having gone through a major heartbreak. I had enough with the “trial and error.” I told myself I was no longer going to date any guy unless I saw a reflection of Jesus in him and the word “marriage” was a strong possibility.
Fast-forward a couple years to my early 20’s, I remember meeting a guy who reflected Jesus (check) and after several months of getting to know him the word “marriage” came to mind (check). Instantly I thought, “Wow! This guy could be “The One!” He loves God, he goes to church, he serves and leads others, and he respected me. So I continued to date him hoping things would work out between us. As time progressed, my relationship with this guy had grown exponentially, to the point that I was emotionally invested in him – cared about him so deeply that I became vulnerable to being hurt by him.
We should not allow ourselves to become emotionally invested in someone very quickly, when we do so, we can set ourselves up for disappointment and heartache. Especially when the other person chooses not to reciprocate that same investment in you. Truth of the matter is, it hurts to not feel loved, or appreciated, by someone you genuinely and deeply care about.
Being wise about how we approach that person is important in order to minimize the chances of heartache or disappointment. Wisdom follows knowledge. Proverbs 1:7 quotes, “Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline (NLT).” Having a strong relationship with the Lord will help you be wise when making decisions. Reflecting back on my relationship with this guy, I wish I had taken the time to really comprehend the possible outcomes of the unwise choice I made when I found myself in a love triangle with him.
Instead of distancing myself and guarding my heart, I lingered and found myself competing for the love, affection, and attention of a guy who claimed he liked me, yet his motives reflected otherwise. I was emotionally invested in him, and therefore I was blinded from realizing he was indeed the wrong person to be investing my time and love in.
After it was all said and done, there was no longer a love triangle; but a confused young lady with a shattered heart from the unmet expectations she had strategically planned out in her head. That young lady was me. You see, I had invested myself so much emotionally by caring for him, spending time with him, and trying my best to show my sincere love towards him, that I became vulnerable to being hurt by him, and hurt, I got.
It was during this season of heartbreak that I constantly asked myself, “Why does love hurt?” I was upset at God for the circumstances I found myself in.
“It’s not fair God!”
“What did I do wrong?”
“I don’t deserve this!”
After questioning God for quite a while, He gently answered my cry as I read one of my favorite bestselling author’s books, Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst. In her book, she states the following:
“There is usually some element of protection wrapped in every rejection.”
Suddenly, after I read this, I was lifted up from the pit of rejection, and placed in a season of waiting.
I finally understood why I had experienced that heartbreak; it wasn’t because God didn’t love me or didn’t want the best for me. It was quite the opposite. He allowed this heartbreak because He does love me and wants the absolute best for me! God loves you and wants the absolute best for you too!
Although this guy was a good guy with good qualities, he was simply not the right man for me. I couldn’t see it then, but now I know the purpose of that heartbreak. Through this heartbreak God taught me that love in fact does not hurt.
Love gives life! It heals, restores, forgives, protects, and makes all things new! God gave me life through a change in perspective of my heartbreak; he healed and restored my heart, He strengthen me with the ability to fully forgive, He protected me from the unknown, and He made all things new for me! How awesome is He!
Beloved sisters, do not waste your time trying to impress a guy you know in your heart is not right for you. Be wise with your display of affection. Don’t commit the mistake of trying to make a guy fall in love with you. Learn to wait well for that special man God has specifically set apart for you.
Don’t worry about when you’ll be “taken,” instead pray for your future husband. Thank God for all He’s done, all He’s doing, and all He is going to do in your life! Go deeper with God and tell Him what you desire in your future husband.
Trust me, once you shift your focus from your heartbreak and the wrong person, to the one who makes all things new, there is a peace that transcends all understanding, guarding your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7).
God’s perspective of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4 is defined as:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”
Although this season of heartbreak was devastating, I am grateful for the wisdom I obtained through it and the strength I have acquired to depend on God for His perfect plans and desires for my life.
I encourage you to take a moment to ponder on your relationship with that person you so deeply care about. What are your motives and intentions towards that person? Meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4, are you reflecting love the way Jesus views it?
Lastly, have you surrendered your feelings of love towards that person to God? Have you asked Him to have His way despite what you feel or wish things were like? Ask Him if that person is the right person for you.
Remember, simply because she or he portrays great qualities you admire does not mean they are the right person for you to pursue. Let God write your love story instead of trying to make it happen on your own. When we try to take matters into our own hands, rather than allowing God to be God, our plans will quickly collide resulting in a huge messy pile of regret, disappointment, and confusion.
My prayer is that you would learn to trust God in this area of your life. Learn to wait well no matter your circumstances. Love is a beautiful and powerful feeling. How you handle love now will ultimately dictate your future love story. Remember, love doesn’t hurt, loving the wrong person does.