Hi lovelies! I am so excited to share with you a few of the major take-a ways I got from reading this book, Love Defined, by sisters Kristen Clark and Bethany Baird. In their book, Bethany and Kristen teach the reader how to embrace God’s vision for lasting love and satisfying relationships.
Some of us have been taught wrong on how to navigate love and relationships for far too long. I not only want to encourage you to read this great book for yourself, I also want to give you a short insight on the biblical based points in which Bethany and Kristen write about.
Beginning with chapter two, seeing through the Fairy Tale Facade, Bethany and Kristen write about Hollywood’s false front and how it takes a lot more than good looks and passion to maintain long-term love. Good looks will eventually fade, then what? Passion won’t always be there, then what?
Beautiful sisters, there is nothing Holy about Hollywood! We must stop fantasizing about having relationships like Hollywood portrays them. Instead, we must learn to crave and desire true love, which can only be found in Jesus Christ. Only then will we be able to embrace God’s vision for lasting love and satisfying relationships.
The Fairy Tale Facade consists of lies, deception, and selfishness. None of which are Christ like. In chapter three, the Merry-Go-Round Method for Modern Relationships, authors Bethany and Kristen describe the five-step process of this method (the wrong method to navigate relationships). Briefly, these steps include: (1) catch the right guy (2) coast on infatuation (3) concentrate on your feelings (4) count on him to satisfy you, and (5) cry when it fails, then go back to the beginning and do it all over again.
Does any of it sound familiar? It does to me! I was that girl on the “Merry-Go-Round” a few years ago before I learned and understood God’s vision for lasting love and satisfying relationships. I’ll admit, even though I’ve learned from my ignorant view of love and relationships, there are times that if I’m not careful, I can easily fall into the Merry-Go-Round Method once again.
Let’s take a moment to unpack steps 2, 3 and 4. Infatuation is a big mistake we as single girls tend to make when it comes to dating or even getting to know someone on a friendship level. If you have mentally planned your wedding with the guy, darling, you have officially entered the infatuation stage. That’s not a good thing!
Infatuation is a form of idolatry. You are constantly thinking about this guy, planning your wedding and honeymoon with him in mind, and wondering if what he said or did means anything. Infatuating about a guy will only cause heartache and disappointment when you soon find out he’s just not into you.
Concentrating on our feelings rather than on God’s truth and wisdom is the second mistake we as modern day women commit. We are quick to make decisions based on how we feel instead of taking time to seek wisdom for moving forward in a relationship. Our feelings should not dictate our actions. Our feelings are indicators for searching wise counsel.
The primary goal of the Merry-Go-Round Method, as Bethany and Kristen describe it, “is rooted in and fueled by a desire to please self (Clark & Baird, 2018, p. 37).” Rather than bringing God glory, this method is driven by personal happiness. God’s ultimate design for relationships is to bring him honor and glory.
Depending on a man for your personal satisfaction is like drinking coffee on a hot summer day and expecting your thirst to be quenched. No one can truly satisfy us the way Jesus can. The cycle of heartache and devastation will never end unless we change our way of viewing love and relationships. We must choose a Christ-centered approach if we want to see change happen in our love life.
“Who we marry is just as important as why we marry (Clark & Baird, 2018, p. 58).” Kristen and Bethany also write about the purpose of marriage and marrying the right guy. Marriage is much more than a wedding date and butterfly feelings. Marriage is about glorifying God and serving Him along with your spouse. Our goal should be to marry a man whom we could serve the Lord effectively. Kristen and Bethany provide the reader with three must-have qualities to look for in a future husband.
#1: Look for a man with VISION
“A man considering marriage doesn’t need to have every single tiny detail of his life together, but he does need to have a vision for where he is going and where he wants to lead you, his wife (Clark & Baird, 2018, p. 160).”
#2: Look for a man with PASSION
“Choose to marry a man who is passionate about the Lord now. This is a must-have quality in a future husband (Clark & Baird, 2018, p. 161).”
#3: Look for a man with PURPOSE
“Choose to marry a man who understands his God-given purpose (Clark & Baird, 2018, p. 162).”
What Kind of Husband Do You Want to Spend the Rest of Your Life With?
“A man whose life is marked by these things and who lives for the Lord is the type of person the Bible regards as wise to marry (Clark & Baird, 2018, p. 163).”
Ladies, I can go on and on about what Kristen and Bethany teach us in their book, but I rather have you read it for yourself. Please consider reading this book and allow God to show you his best for your romantic relationships.