Posted in Character, Life, Women

What Type Of Girl Are You?

Although there are several types of people in this world, I want to focus on two types of girls. First, there is the type of girl who seeks to be known, in other words, she seeks to be famous. Second, there is the type of girl who seeks to make others known.

The girl who seeks to make herself known operates from a mentality of “Me.” While the girl who seeks to make others known operates from a mentality of “Him.” The major difference between these two types of girls is that one seeks to glorify her-self and the other seeks to glorify the Father. God.

Although you may have encountered these girls in your life, let me introduce you to them in a more detailed manner.

Type of Girl # 1: The Materialistic Girl

The materialistic girl is all about herself and getting others to praise her, like her, love her, follow her, and comment on her good looks, outfits, hair, makeup etc. Now don’t get me wrong. Having people admire your beauty and fashion is not a bad thing or wrong at all. What’s bad is your search for attention. Are you genuinely attracting people’s attention based on your natural self? Or are you intentionally seeking to attract people’s praise by posting about your looks and your possessions?

Type of Girl # 2: The Kingdom Minded Girl

 The kingdom minded girl is all about God and serving others rather than being served by others. Everything she does has purpose. Everything she posts has meaning. And her intentions are always to bring honor and glory to God her heavenly Father. The kingdom minded girl chooses to use the life she was given to be a positive influence and role model in another girl’s life. She is more concerned about encouraging others to follow Jesus and praising Him. Rather than following or praising her.

Let’s be honest. There are countless of girls out there who consider themselves “influencers.” However, what is their motive behind their actions and words and especially their posts? Social media is full of both these types of girls. While scrolling through my feed, I couldn’t help but notice these two types of girls out there.

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

– 1 Samuel 16:7

What’s most important to you? The way you look or the condition of your heart?

Seriously though. Think about it for a minute before you continue reading. Be honest with yourself.

Don’t know yet? Ask yourself the following questions to find your answer:

  • Do I spend more time on shopping for an outfit or picking one out, than shopping for a faith-based book or picking out a devotional?
  • Do I spend more time on putting on makeup than putting on the armor of God by reading his Word-the bible?
  • Do I spend more time doing my hair than I do listening to sermons or praying?

Again, don’t get me wrong. Spending time on your self is great! And I highly encourage you to do so! But are you also spending significant amount of time in your spirituality? If your spirituality is not increasing, something is not right. Remember, God looks at your heart. He doesn’t focus on your outward appearance. He focuses on the condition of your heart. God can’t take you places you want to go if your heart is not right first. Our character is what matters most to Him.

I’m not perfect and I hope that’s not what you think of me when you read my posts and blogs, or when you look at my pictures on social media. I don’t want you to look at my social media feed and feel less than or less beautiful or less anything. I want you to look at my feed and be empowered to embrace your own journey without having to compare it to someone else’s.

Before I post or share anything on social media, I pause for a heart check. What’s my motive? What’s the purpose for me posting this? The last thing I want is people comparing themselves to me. Please consider the questions listed above. Take time to reflect on them. Don’t look at people through your human eyes. Strive to look at others through God’s eyes.

When we focus on the outward appearance of others, we automatically begin to compare ourselves to them. God, I don’t ever want to fall into the comparison game because of what I see other girls doing or posting about on social media. Sisters, let’s focus on us, on our heart, and on cultivating our inward beauty rather than our outward appearance.

“A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”

– Proverbs 22:1

How do you want to be known or described by others?

Do you lean on your worldly riches for approval? Or do you depend on the Holy Spirit to impact the lives of those around you?

What do you desire most? A good reputation or fame?

It’s better to be considered and regarded for our internal value (integrity, dignity, and noble character) than to be chosen for our external accomplishments or beauty. Are you more concerned about the amount of “likes” and comments you get on your social media feed, than you are about the number of lives you are impacting or influencing with your true character?

I want to be a kingdom minded type of girl. What about you? What type of girl do you want to be?

 

Posted in Faith, Life

Getting Over The Confusion

I’m not even going to ask because I am more than sure you have been confused before. Am I right? Some of us are confused every day about the simplest things like what to wear or eat for lunch. But other times we are confused about more serious matters like life, people, beliefs, etc. You name it!

Being confused is not easy to navigate through. There are lots of questions left unanswered that we, as humans want to desperately find answers to. What’s worse is that confusion births side effects such as fear, anger, and uncertainty. It manifests itself through these negative emotions. Bottom line, confusion is the root of this chaos.

Confusion is a roadblock to peace, joy, and confidence. I don’t know about you, but I sure don’t want to live the rest of my life confused. I don’t want my life to be a mosaic of fear, worry, anger, and uncertainty. I want my life to overflow with peace, joy, and confidence to the point where others are filled by it. And the only way that will happen is if our faith is rooted in what God says.

Have you ever witnessed or gone through something in your life that left you confused? Perhaps an experience or encounter with something or someone? I have.

I remember fasting coffee and social media for a week and praying for specific areas in my life that I wanted to see breakthrough in. My prayer focus was on Matthew 7:7-8,

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives, everyone who seeks, finds. And everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”

That particular week I was asking God to prompt the man He has set apart for me to pursue me. I told God I would seek His will no matter what presents itself, and that I would also seek His wisdom, clarity, and direction for my life. Lastly, I told God I would knock on the doors of prosperity, opportunity, and favor.

Fast forward almost a month later, an unexpected person made his way into my life. Yes, a guy started to pursue me! Of course I had completely forgotten about the prayer I made almost a month ago. However, as I got to know this guy, I found myself attracted to his personality, values, goals and dreams for his life. There was just one thing I was not attracted to…

His looks.

I started to feel so confused about whether I should give this guy a chance or not. It was in that moment where God reminded me of the prayer I made literally a month ago from that date I was feeling confused. Honestly, the only reason I continued to get to know this guy was because he could potentially be God’s answer to my prayer.

Long story short, what I thought could be the start of something beautiful and meaningful didn’t end up working out. Things didn’t unfold the way I expected or hoped for. I started to feel confused again. Why would God answer my prayer and then not allow things to work out between us? I couldn’t understand the why of this experience until much later.

The devil used my confusion and frustration to his advantage like he always does. But rather than allowing him to consume my mind with anger, fear, and uncertainty, I chose to rise above them and press through. To ask, seek, and knock for answers just like I did before. Surely God did not fail. He answered!

I was determined to get an answer from God regarding my situation. I sat there in my room quietly waiting and asking, Lord, is [name of person] the right man for me? I don’t want to feel like he’s the right man for me. I want to know he is. As I waited, God answered through a previous blog I had written: Are They Worth The Risk.

God reminded me of the free will he gives us. He desires for us to choose His will above ours. He won’t force us to do anything unwillingly. It was in that moment where God’s peace embraced my heart. He reminded me that love is a choice, not a feeling. There is no such thing as “The One.” There are only the “Right Ones.”

God gives us the wisdom to choose who we want to choose every day for the rest of our lives despite what the world or life throws at us. So even though I was willing to move forward with the relationship, he chose not to and I respected that.

With every experience we go through, God uses it to expose our heart and test our faith. Even though I prayed Matthew 7:7-8 and God indeed answered, the confusion crippled in from the expectation I had that did not come to pass. I truly believe God used this experience to test my faith.

Was I still going to pray Matthew 7:7-8 and believe God answers even if the results of my prayer weren’t what I expected or hoped for? Or was I going to allow the confusion of the unexpected results consume me?

Friends, God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33).

The passion translation quotes, “For God is the God of harmony, not confusion.” I really like the message translation though, “When we worship the right way, God doesn’t stir us up into confusion; He brings us into harmony.”

My encouragement to you is this. If you currently find yourself confused about something or someone, don’t dwell in it. Ask, seek, and knock for answers. Ask, seek, and knock for clarity and most importantly, for peace. God will indeed answer because His Word promises that in Matthew 7:7-8.

Let’s get over the confusion together. Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead (Philippians 3:13). One last thing,

“All the disappointment in the world will never change the promises of God, the reality of Jesus, or His destiny for our lives. Everything we experience ultimately becomes a tool we can use to serve others. There are divine appointments beyond our disappointments if we’re willing to embrace the unexpected.”

– Christine Caine

P.s Make time to listen to PEACE by Amanda Cook. Be encouraged and pass it on by sharing this blog.

Encouraging you always,

– Crystal

Posted in Life

When Did The Big Sis Become The Little Sis?

katy-belcher-674803-unsplashHave you ever wondered what it would be like to be the youngest sister?

If you are reading this and you are the youngest sibling, maybe you have wondered what it would be like to be the oldest brother or sister. I am the oldest of three girls, which means I have two younger sisters. Being the first-born came with responsibilities, by definition, I was expected to set the example for my sisters. To pave the way for their success was the expectation.

For most of my life I enjoyed being the older sister. I felt in charge and entitled to “Big Sister” privileges like getting everything first and then passing it down to my little sisters. Being the big sister instinctively set me up for a role model position. A position I was not only responsible for, but also a role I desired to walk in and be excellent at.

I have never wondered what it would be like to be the youngest sister.

I have however, wondered what it would be like to have an older sister. For the passed years I have worked hard to be the best big sister I can be, and still try my best to this day.

I’ll be honest with you though, my “Big Sister” role no longer feels the same. As the big sister, I grew up expecting to experience life’s stages first and then helping my sisters navigate through them when it was their turn. For a while my expectations did not disappoint. I was the first to get a boyfriend (that includes first heartbreak), a driver’s license, wear make-up, leave the house for school, etc.

Life as the Big Sister was good!

It meant looking out for my little sisters. With every experience I encountered, I would learn from and then teach my sisters what NOT to do. I wanted my sisters to avoid the pain of my mistakes and wrong choices.

Almost a year ago in August, one of my sisters got married! I had a very difficult time accepting she wanted to marry her boyfriend at the time, which is now her husband. Not because I didn’t like him or didn’t agree with their relationship. It may have come across that way, but the truth was I wasn’t ready for her to marry.

Reflecting back, I was using the excuse of my sister being too young (even though we’re only 13 months apart) and not ready to marry. But now that I’m deeply reminiscing on that time, it was me who wasn’t ready for her to marry. I just couldn’t believe she was getting married first than me!

How can this be?

I am the oldest!

I am the first-born!

I need to get married first before she does!

These were my constant thoughts during that time.

Wow! I was one bitter big sister. God had to deal with my heart. I had a decision to make. Choose to be happy for her or choose to remain upset at the fact things weren’t happening the way I had expected. Of course I chose to be happy for her although it was still difficult for me to accept it wasn’t me.

Once my sister got married, things seemed to get back to normal. I still felt like the big sister because I had my youngest sister whom I needed to lead and encourage in the ways of the Lord. Surely, I would be next in line for marriage! There was no way my youngest sister would get married first than me. No way!

Well, I was wrong. Shortly after wedding #1 in our family had passed (2 months to be exact), my youngest sister gets engaged! Are you kidding me?! If you thought I was upset about my other sister getting married first than me, you can just imagine how I felt about the youngest of my sisters getting engaged!

Fast forward to now (July 20, 2018), my little sister will become a “Mrs.” and I will still be a “Miss.”. My journey as the big sister has been quite the adventure. There have been times in which my sisters have taught me lessons without them realizing.

Today I feel like the little sister.

I feel like my Big Sister role is over and now my little sisters are “bigger” than me. For them, my role as their big sister will never change. But it has for me. At least that’s how I feel right now considering my sisters have gotten married first than me.

I share all that to say this: Being the big sister is a humbling experience. I’ve learned to not be right all the time. I’ve learned to say sorry and be OK with things not always going my way. Most importantly, I’ve learned to love and be genuinely happy for my sisters and their accomplishments even if I’m not there yet.

So, my encouragement to you is found in 1 Peter 5:6 “Humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.” When we become prideful or entitled to a position and its privileges, God has a way of humbling us by showing us it’s not always about what we want or what we expected. It’s always about him and the character he’s building in us.

Be blessed! Much love to you my lovely readers.

PS. I would love to hear from you! Have you had a similar experience? What was that like or what did you learn from it? Please comment below!

Stay humble,

Crystal

Posted in Life, Relationships

4 Tips on How to Effectively Show Interest In A Woman

Alright men! This blog is written specifically for you. With the sole purpose of helping you express your interest effectively to that young lady you’ve been spotting from a distance. First, I want you to know that us women highly appreciate your efforts in reaching out to us the best way you know how. However, if you don’t want to come off as a creep or as a try hard, here are a few tips you can begin using to see effective results after showing interest in a woman.

Side note: Every woman is unique. Therefore, you have to know the type of woman you want to pursue, and then strategize on how you’re going to get her attention so she eventually shows interest in you too.

For this particular blog, I’m going to focus on the woman who is ready to embark on a serious relationship with marriage being the destination. In addition, this woman knows her worth. She knows her purpose in life. She has vision for her life and passion to love and serve others well.

Don’t let this woman intimidate you. Her intentions are not to scare you away or be better than you. But perhaps challenge you to aim higher than what is expected from society. If you are serious about dating the right woman and eventually marrying her, here are a few tips you can apply to your approach and hopefully get positive results:

Tip #1: Introduce yourself appropriately.

In other words, do not message her or approach her with a casual “Hello” or “What’s up” expecting her to engage in a conversation with you without knowing who you are and where you come from.

If you have never met this woman personally but have seen her occasionally, or came across her social media profile and liked what you saw. The most effective way to say hi is by letting her know how you came across her profile or what intrigued you about her. Genuinely say hello and give her a brief summary of why you are interested in getting to know her.

DO: Start with your name and why you are interested in her.

DON’T: Just say “Hi” or “What’s up” without introducing yourself.

Tip #2: Show interest in what she’s interested in.

Of course you won’t know all she’s interested in, but you can still show interest by talking to her about what you have observed so far. For example, if this woman you are interested in reflects an interest in working out, reading books, cooking, traveling, etc. as depicted by her lifestyle or photos on social media. You will have a much higher chance of getting a positive response from her than when you simply ask, “How are you doing?”

Guys! You CANNOT approach a woman you don’t know personally with questions as if you did. That’s a little weird. Women are most likely to answer your questions when you ask about the things they are interested in or when you comment on them.

Do: Talk to her about her interests.

Don’t: Ask questions as if you know her personally.

Tip #3: Be yourself.

Women enjoy getting to know a man who is true to himself. A man who has nothing to hide, and is courageous enough to share his weaknesses. After all, we all have weaknesses. No one is exempt from them. Weaknesses make us human. When you are true to yourself, one of two good things can happen. You can either be encouraged by her words or you can establish a safe place for vulnerability later if your relationship grows into romance.

Do: Be honest with her about all of you.

Don’t: Pretend like you have it all together.

Tip #4: Seek friendship first, not romance.

Rather than focusing on winning her over, focus on cultivating friendship. Sooner than later, the months of intentional friendship would turn into years with the girl that became your friend that turned into family.

I’m sure you’ve heard countless of people mention the importance of asking lots of questions when you’re intentionally pursuing someone. Although this is true and I highly encourage you to do so, asking deep questions at the beginning is not ideal. You want to focus on establishing a strong friendship foundation first by asking basic foundational questions.

For example, ask about her interests. Ask about her goals, plans, and aspirations. Ask about her likes and dislikes, what encourages her or what inspires her to be better. Ask about her strengths and weaknesses, what bothers her or drives her crazy (cause no matter how well put together we may look, we all have a little crazy on the inside).

These are just a few basic questions you can ask to break the ice. You want to avoid the more intimate questions for later down the road if your friendship with this girl grows into a romantic one.

Having honest raw conversations about each other’s lives will make way for trust and vulnerability later. Most importantly, if your relationship with this girl does not progress to anything more than friendship, you can rest in the assurance that things won’t be awkward afterwards. The beauty of having established a friendship first will make things easier for both of you in the case your relationship does not grow into a romantic one.

Do: Strictly focus on establishing a friendship.

Don’t: Ask intimate questions.

It’s OK if she doesn’t show interest in you.

 Lastly, do not be discouraged if these tips do not make way for a romantic relationship. These tips are simply to help you to effectively show interest in a woman. Always see things from a positive perspective. If the girl you are interested in does not show interest in you, you still gave it your best shot and hopefully gained a good friend even if that wasn’t your long-term intention.

My hope is that you would receive positive feedback as you apply these tips to your approach towards showing interest in a woman.

Best wishes to you!

P.s I would love to hear back from you once you’ve tried these tips! Let me know if they worked or didn’t work.

Posted in Life

Misplaced Confidence

Would you consider yourself a confident individual?

If yes, why do you consider yourself confident? What are the attributes or qualities you believe make you a confident person?

If no, why don’t you consider yourself confident? What do you believe you lack that makes you unfit for confidence?

Me, I consider myself a confident girl, but sometimes I can be overly confident in myself, which in turn can get me into trouble. Being confident or having confidence in your-self is not a bad thing. In fact, confidence is a wonderful attribute to have. However, as good as it is to one’s self-esteem, too much confidence without a balance of placement can affect your self-esteem rather than help it.

I have come to find out through my own personal experiences that having confidence or the lack of is not the problem. The issue with confidence is the misplacement of it.

What or who are you confident in?

Are you confident solely in yourself? In your own strengths and abilities? Or even in your own accomplishments? Or maybe you’re confident in someone else? Perhaps in your boyfriend, husband or friend?

Rather than being confident only in your-self, in others, or your own abilities, we need to be confident in who God says he is, in his faithfulness.

Recently, I graduated with my Masters degree. Upon graduation and having completed one of my most challenging goals, I felt overly confident to go into the world and begin my career. I was placing my confidence in my resume, in my accomplishments, in my expensive degree, and in my own confidence as a young twenty something millennial.

Soon after having applied to several career opportunities and not receiving any offers, I found myself so discouraged and like all my hard work was a waste. This was the result of my misplaced confidence. I lost sight of God and his promises of provision. I was depending on my own strength and accomplishments instead of being confident in God and his promises.

When we misplace our confidence in other things rather than in God, we become prone to discouragement, hurt, and fall prey to the negative thoughts the devil uses to his advantage.

If you are reading this blog and know you have misplaced your confidence, I want you to know it is not too late to balance it. Likewise, if you don’t have confidence in anything, not in yourself and not even in God, you are not far from obtaining that much needed confidence in God.

I highly encourage you to begin seeing yourself the way God sees you. It may take a while, but as long as you’re trying your best and making progress is all that matters. Don’t give up and don’t you quit! Making progress in your thought pattern is a small victory leading to a much bigger victory.

Honestly, as long as you are confidant in who God says he is despite your feelings and circumstances, you will have peace that God’s got you and you have nothing to worry about. In due time, as you continue to be confident in God and not in yourself or anything else, he will bless you beyond anything you could ever ask or imagine.

Take time to listen to the song Confident by Steffany Gretzinger. Be encouraged and regain your peace by placing your confidence in God alone.

You are destined for greatness,

Crystal

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter